I will not argue that the finished product of a pumpkin carving isn't super cool. It is. Every year I look forward to seeing the cool designs friends, family, and the twitter universe slap onto their pumpkins through tedious, messy, time consuming, hand hurting labor. Meme themed pumpkins are my favorite. I live for clever topical social commentary through images, especially on a gourd.

But is the process of carving a pumpkin really worth the payoff? No. First off all, it's a big fat lie that choosing a pumpkin is fun. That's why pumpkin patches are more like little carnivals. No one is going to bother picking a pumpkin without the prospect of funnel cake and a petting zoo.

Emptying out a pumpkin is messy and gross. It doesn't matter how well you prepare the space, you are going to get pumpkin guts on places you don't mean. And the consistency is stringy sticky nastiness that's hard to clean. You think you scooped out all the seeds and gunk? You didn't. It's almost like it regenerates as you clean it out, so it takes forever to finish.

Then the actual carving is a pain. I have yet to come across a pumpkin carving kit that doesn't break, isn't sharp enough, or isn't difficult to manipulate. I'm not saying it's impossible. I'm not saying you can't get amazing results. I am saying  time the process consumes and the pain in my wrists and hands is a price I hate paying.

In my house we don't carve pumpkins. We paint them and draw on them. Way cleaner, much quicker, and the pumpkins last longer. I encourage everyone to take this route next Halloween. Just to try it.