Idaho, We Need To Have A Chat About The Geese…

In second grade I stepped I accidentally stepped on an injured bird struggling in the gutter. I felt a crunchy squish beneath my foot and looked to down to witness a gut wrenching sight. The eyes of this poor little bird were bulging, its wing helplessly flapping up to escape. I shrieked with terror and ran all the way home. I've been scared of birds ever since.

Throughout the years my fear intensified because independent of that traumatic experience, birds are creepy! I mean, films have been using them as a scare tactic for years! (The Birds and basically all scary movies when they want to set a creepy tone). But Idaho is home to a special kind of avian terror. Geese just fly and roam about as though they don't inspire anxiety in passersby.

Listen, I'm all about sharing the planet with animals. They belong here as much as we do, but they could stand to be more considerate! I have seen no less than 5 geese dead in the middle of the street as I'm driving. That means 5 people endured the gruesome experience of hitting one of those loud birds. And it's sad for the geese, but they can fly. I saw one just a few days ago book it out of the way to avoid being hit. Why was its reaction time so great vs the other ones? Does there need to be a training or something for them to practice getting out of the way?

How about them squawking and screaming at 5 in the morning? Why? What is so important at 5am that they need to be yelling as I walk into work? The sound is unnerving and makes me feel like I'm going to be attacked. And I've seen enough YouTube videos to know they are capable. But they're also really sneaky.

Sometimes I'll be strolling down the Greenbelt and glance behind me only to see a goose also taking a walk. It damn near paralyzes me. What is that water bird trying to do? All morning it won't shut the heck up, but all of a sudden it wants to be on stealth mode? What's their end game with humans is what I guess I want to know.

I'm not saying I want them all to disappear. That wouldn't be fair. I just want to know I'm not the only one who feels weird around them. Bird phobia or not, I think geese need to chill out a bit. I'm worried I'm going to make the wrong move and end up pecked to death outside the double doors to the Townsquare Media studios. Am I wrong?