What To Consider When Considering Surrogacy
In 2016 I became pregnant with my second child six years after giving birth to my first one. The reason for the big gap? I was convinced I never wanted more children. But kindergarten sneaked up and triggered my empty nest syndrome. In a moment of vulnerability I expressed my desire to maybe have just one more, and by the end of the month I was pregnant with little Liam Grey. But 6 months before that I was very seriously considering surrogacy.
At the time I had a few friends going through infertility issues and struggling to get pregnant. It was awful seeing these women who clearly would be excellent mothers not conceiving. Meanwhile I had no trouble at all. In fact, my doctor had mentioned my body was a natural for pregnancy, whatever that means. So why not be a surrogate? It's not like I wanted any more kids of my own. Might as well give the gift of motherhood.
I started doing some research to see if I were a proper candidate. United Surrogacy's list of requirements matched the ones I searched for back in Vegas:
Have at least one child who you are currently raising.
Between the ages of 21-41.
Must have had at least one uncomplicated pregnancy.
Body Mass Index under 32.
Must be a non-smoker and no history of drug abuse.
Criminal free background for you and your spouse if applicable.
No anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication use in the last year.
Must not be on any form of government financial assistance.
In most cases, travel may be required. (expenses will be covered for you)
Thrilled to meet all requirements (that BMI worried me for a second), I contacted a member of the company. I was urged to consider if I truly had no desire for more children. The last thing anyone wants is for the gestational carrier to flip out and not want to give up the baby. I assured her I was done. I don't like raising kids 'cause I think I'm terrible at it. I wouldn't mind sacrificing my body so long as that's the only thing I'd be doing.
The communication continued after that. Lots of questions via email and later on the phone. Personal questions meant to establish background and current state of mind. I mean, it's a big deal to invest tens of thousands of dollars in someone's uterus in hopes of becoming a parent. With compensation starting at $35K, they aren't taking any chances.
Things were getting rolling. I was set to have an in person appointment, when a conversation with my husband put plans on hold. He wasn't opposed to surrogacy, but he'd always wanted multiple children. He was wondering if I'd wait a little longer in case I had a change of heart so we could have a second baby first and then do surrogacy. I was certain I wouldn't, but placated him nonetheless...and now I have a 3 year old in addition to my almost 10 year old.
Now I absolutely know I don't want more children, so surrogacy is back on the table. Hopefully I am still a good candidate and can pursue helping families in this very life changing way.