I Have A Phobia of Checking My Bank Account

I'm not necessarily "bad with money." I am more so "ignorant with my financials" or even better, ignorant to them. I hate checking my bank account. I put it off until I no longer have a choice and whenever something basically forces me to look at it. I'm just really depending on the direct deposit to hit, baby!

I don't spend like craaazy though or as crazy I could. When I do check my account, my balance is usually fine. The reason I don't like checking it is for in fear of what I might see. It's a total mental block. One time I was issued a paper check and waited a whole two weeks before even depositing it because that would mean I would need to look at my balance! That's not even logical!

The real issue is obvious here. There's no telling ever of how much money I have to spend in my account or how much money I'm living off of in the moment. I mean all I have to do is open the app and sign into my account but I can't. So how do I get beyond this very real, and a tad irrational fear?

Seriously, if you have any legit suggestions I'm willing to hear them. My idea is to start money journaling. I have to turn checking my account into a habit and schedule time to immerse myself in it. If I hold myself accountable to physically document what I'm spending in a day and what my bank account is reading then maybe that'll help. I'm hoping some intentional structure will do me some good and make me aware.