BOISE, Idaho. Stepping into Dutch Bros on the fringe of the Boise Centre, an iced black Americano and Wi-Fi were all I could think about. It was a good but unexpectedly busy weekend that left me under-caffeinated and behind on work for the week ahead. And, apart from a handful of pit stops over the years, this would be my first time working in this Dutch shop. It’s a gamble remote workers know is real.

Unsure of what to expect, I introduced myself to the two baristas behind the counter. I took Triss and Michelangelo’s warm greetings and friendly banter as a sign the shop could hold new-favorite potential.

As I finished making myself at home in an over-sized soft leather sofa chair next to the coffee table, Michelangelo was ready with my order. “Hello, beautiful,” I whispered to my four-shot Americano, “Let’s get $h!t done!”

Plopping down in the comfy chair, I took two gulps and pulled up the list of Wi-Fi network nearby. Clicking on Dutch’s guest network, I was moments away from the glorious zone of productivity.

That’s when I was accosted by this prompt:

Welcome to our Internet portal. If you choose to continue, you are agreeing to comply with and be bound by the following terms and conditions of use. If you disagree with any part of these terms and conditions, you may not continue.

Before I realized what was happening, I did something I’d never done before: I read the Wi-Fi agreement word-for-word. I poured over the six-term contract like an attorney ensuring my client wouldn’t get cheated out of a solid settlement.

This was no ordinary Wi-Fi agreement. This was a solicitation to take the Blue Pill.

I was faced with two choices: swear a digital allegiance to the Matrix or burn an hour hauling my buns to Star so I could work at home. Then I remembered my husband had driven me there. Him and our daughter were at Idaho Central Arena for an event that still had three hours to go.

So I did what any desperate American would do. I abandoned my civil liberties for free Wi-Fi and pushed “accept.”

Scroll on for a glimpse at the ways Dutch Bros dropped a digital gavel on my access.

The Wi-Fi Terms at a Boise Dutch Bros. are Kind of Crazy

Gallery Credit: Ryan Valenzuela

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