I have a secret obsession that has been a part of my life for nearly 30 years. It's affected my relationships, it almost made my family move across the country, and in some ways I think it has saved my life. Deep breath, here's what it is. 

I have been obsessed with Macaulay Culkin, (yes you read that right... the kid from Home Alone) since I was 10 years old.

I did all the classic celebrity crush things as a kid. I sent letters to his fan club, I was at the theater the first day each of his new movies was released, but my obsession went even further.

I knew Mack (as his friends and family affectionately call him) lived in NYC and through a magazine article I found out where he went to High School. (Scary... I know.) Anyway, my family took a trip to Manhattan with a major goal being for me to find Macaulay Culkin!

I remember holding a poster outside of the Today Show that said, "I came all the way from Lehi, Utah to find Macaulay Culkin in the Big Apple!" A man there said to me, "Sweetheart, that's like finding a needle in a haystack!" Little did he know, I would meet him the next day.

September 25, 1996 I spent the day at Professional Children's School off of W. 60th Street as a potential student checking out the school. I met Mack!! I even touched his navy blue corduroy shirt! I was in heaven, but I knew I couldn't freak out, because I was on his turf, so I stayed cool, calm, and collected through the whole thing. My interactions with him were brief, but I never asked him for his autograph, or to take a picture with him because I could tell this was one of the only places he felt like a normal kid.

After that visit, my family went so far as to seriously consider moving to NYC and my Dad even looked into living in the same apartment building that Mack and his family lived in right next door to the school, but financially it just didn't pan out.

My parents were still supportive of my crazy dream, so after I was accepted at the school, we arranged to have me live with another family. I dropped out of my hometown High School, a one-way ticket was purchased, and at the last minute I chickened out. I was 16, from a very small town in Utah, and the thought of navigating Manhattan by myself got to me.

I tried to put my Macaulay Culkin obsession away at that point. He famously got married at 17 and I actually dated a little bit my senior year of High School.

Over the years though, I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Mack. It was hard for my husband to understand and I would find myself watching his movies or looking up facts about him online whenever my relationship was in a tough spot.

After I got divorced, I struggled to date. I'd say I'm fairly socially awkward and it was a real struggle. I've ended up dating a friend of mine that I've known for almost ten years. He knows about my Macaulay Culkin infatuation and he's not a fan of it, but it's been really hard to completely put away the man who saved my heart in so many ways.

I didn't really process this whole Macaulay Culkin obsession until I was in my twenties, but Macaulay became the man who could never break my heart. Boys did not like me when they started liking all of my friends at school. I didn't "go out" with anyone like other girls did in the 5th and 6th grade. Things didn't get better in junior high and high school, so Macaulay became my perfect man that I used to protect my heart. I also had a pretty tumultuous childhood in the sense that I was always in trouble. I spent an absorbent amount of time in my room and Macaulay made me feel safe in a world filled with chaos.

I understand that all of this sounds like I'm a stalker or just really silly, but if I ever have the chance to meet him again, I just want to tell him thank you.

I faced some very dark days growing up. There were many times when I thought of taking my own life and Macaulay Culkin kept me going.

He's found love with actress Brenda Song and I completely respect that. I really do. I have a boyfriend of my own and life is good, even though it did not work out the way I had planned.

If you have a Macaulay Culkin connection though, I would love to just tell him what a difference he has made on my life.

Gosh, that all felt kind of crazy, but I want you to get to know me. The real me. The good, the bad, and the crazy, and this is just part of who I am.