Breaking News: We’re Facing a Nationwide Clown Shortage!
If you are like my co-host Kate McGwire, then this is good news. America is running out of something that she and you hate. America is facing a crisis, and it’s a sad one, or a sad one with a happy face painted on with big giant red lipstick and white face paint. Ladies and gentlemen, we are facing a full blown four alarm national emergency! We are facing a nation wide clown shortage!
According to the organization, Clowns of America International, new clowns aren’t signing up fast enough to replace all of the old clowns who are dying, retiring or just plain jumping into a small little car with a bunch of other clowns never to be seen again. The number of clowns employed in this country has gone down from about 3,500 in 2004 to just under 2,500 today.
Why aren’t more people becoming clowns? The problem is getting kids who love the circus today to consider going pro. (Wait, If they go pro, don’t they lose their amateur status and can’t compete in the Olympics?)
By the time kids get into high school, being a clown is no longer as cool as they thought it would be. Plus they keep getting made fun of, and beat up after clown classes.
Oh yeah, or the other reason that may have a bigger impact is the fact that clowns average about $38,000 a year before taxes, so there’s that too. So if you are like Kate and HATE clowns, they scare you to death, then go ahead and cheer. But for the rest of us, this is a sad, sad, sad, day even if we have to paint on a sad face with a bunch of face paint.