Treasure Valley Woman’s Advice Cracks The Code On Marriage
A couple months ago I took to Facebook to ask the Treasure Valley what their advice is for a lasting marriage. I asked because my Moug & Angie Mornings co-host, John Moug, had recently gotten married and I thought it would be fun for him to read through the suggestions. But I took a look at the responses myself and began to think about my own marriage and if I've been implementing any of this advice in the last almost decade.
A no-brainer answer is the importance of good communication. Seems obvious, but boy can it be hard to do. In the early days of our marriage I used to think I could just blabber out all my issues and that was good communication. I'm literally telling you what I need, want, am upset about. But stubbornness and selfishness wouldn't allow me to accept when he wasn't receptive. How could I be the wrong one? But the problem was that he and I communicate differently. He can't just listen to me drone on. It is easier for him to process information in written form, and easier for him to articulate himself in written form. And I actually really like that! But how many years did it take before I made the switch? Too many.
Back to this stubborn, selfish thing. "Is your desire to be right more important than your desire to resolve the situation?" Uggghhhh, that hit me hard. I love being right. It's my favorite and I'm so good at it. But what does that earn me in my marriage besides resentment? Nothing. And while I'm not perfect at it, I have definitely made strides that have benefitted my relationship significantly.
Also, maintaining a consistent and creative sex life has sometimes been the glue that kept us together through the tough times. Which sounds ridiculous, I'm sure. But it's so important to keep the attraction alive! I mean, the great perk of marriage is having a lovemaking partner for life. If I didn't want that I'd have stuck to just having friends.
Along those lines we've also made it a point not to "let ourselves go." In fact, I've arguably gotten hotter every year since we've been married. And he's still handsome as ever. Of course I want him to be as into me as he was when we first started dating. Plus when you feel good about yourself (which I definitely do when I feel pretty. Am I shallow?), it affects your entire demeanor in the best way, which your partner will love to be around. Boom! Two birds with one stone (cold fox).
But today I learned something I'd never considered before and will start doing ASAP. I met a woman today (on my 9th wedding anniversary, no less!) in Eagle who's been married for 26 years. She told me the key to her successful marriage is that every day she and her husband wake up with one goal: make the other person's day better. Setting that intention and making it happen in even the smallest way, everyday, has kept her marriage strong. And I feel like that's a game changer.
So tomorrow's morning alarm is labeled "Make his day better," and I'm going to start the daily tradition of finding at least one way to make his day better...but I'm going to tell him he has to do the same for me too!
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