Six Reasons No One Should Be Moving To Boise Right Now
My good buddy Chris Cruise wrote this up and I just had to pass it along. SO GOOD! We've all seen the story: Boise is the fastest growing city in America. Unfortunately for those coming here, they're in for a rude awakening.
There's a lot to love about Boise, Idaho. Kind people, beautiful scenery, bustling nightlife. If you take a closer look, however, not all is as it seems. You have to wonder if all the transplants coming here knew the truth about the City of Trees, would they have ever relocated here in the first place?
If you are considering moving to Boise, it's time you know the truth. Here are the top six things about Boise you need to be in the loop about before you decide to take the plunge and live here:
It's not commonly known, but Boise has over 7,000* active volcanoes within city limits. Entire societies have been wiped out due to volcanic eruptions in Boise, with remnants of the city's past still visible in ashy piles throughout the city.
The #2** killer of Idahoans living in the 208, the rabid Honey Badgers of Boise are blood-thirsty killing machines. Just this year, dozens of attacks have been documented. Boise PD has yet to come up with a successful plan to combat these tiny beasts.
Boise proper is riddled with landmines, leftover from the Battle at Boise Bench*** in 1948. If you find yourself strolling through the Bench, do so at your own risk. You've been warned.
We're Running Out Of Food
The "Idaho Potato" jokes are a thing of the past****, as experts predict we'll run out of viable food sources by 2021. Some have even suggested hunting and eating the vicious honey badgers we told you about earlier. Good luck.
Historians have tried to bury the truth, but Robin Cook's best-selling book Outbreak is actually an accurate documentation of the Ebola outbreak that happened***** in the Boise foothills in the mid-1980's. While active Ebola cases are occurring less and less in the City of Trees, it's still a threat that shouldn't be taken lightly.
Why aren't more people talking about how bad Boise smells? Because the overflowing sewage plants****** to the 172 landfills within city limits, it's almost unbearable anymore. You may not notice on your first visit, but Boise, Idaho may be the worst smelling city in America.
So there you go. Six reasons you should probably reconsider moving to Boise. The city is quickly plummeting into chaos, and should be avoided at all costs.
* Or zero, we're not quite sure
** This fact is not backed up by any scientific research or evidence
*** Said event is entirely fictional. We're like 72% sure there are no landmines here
**** We wish. Potato jokes happen every day. Also, we have thousands to spare
***** Didn't happen
****** Totally untrue. It smells heavenly here. Just don't tell anyone
One more reason not to move to Boise? The obnoxious people you'll run into downtown at Piehole at 2:00 a.m.