If The World Was Ending: My Weirdo Bucket List

The timing of "If The World Was Ending" by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels hitting the charts right around pandemic life going full force was pretty perfect. Especially as the year has gone on and beloved celebrities and purveyors of justice have died while wildfires consume the earth, it feels every day like the world may be ending. The song is about spending your last moments with a love that couldn't last in regular circumstances, but imminent doom allows you to indulge in it one last time. But I've been thinking of all the ridiculous things I'd like to get out of my system if I knew the end was upon us.

First order of business: Swipe away and knock down everything at the checkout stand of a store. Why? I have no real idea. Always as I'm paying for my items I think what if I just lose my mind and start knocking everything down? The cashier would be so surprised but maybe would laugh? I would laugh. Just such an unexpected weirdo thing to do. It wouldn't be on the heels of a complaint or anything. I would calmly wait for my items to be scanned and for the employee to give me the total. And my response would be to knock everything down. I'm seriously laughing as I type this. If the world was ending I wouldn't even feel bad.

Then I'd go to another store wearing a shirt and shoes but no pants. Just undies. And I'd walk in exclaiming that I can still receive service because I'm wearing a shirt and shoes. It's always bothered me that the sign doesn't specify that bottoms are a requirement. Like, why? It's not a full detailing of the rules! I'm pretty sure you have to wear bottoms to be in a store. But if the world was ending I would be literal and insist I'm not wrong.

I also want to go into a library and start screaming and talking loudly. Not even just at the library. The lobbies of businesses where it's generally quiet. I want to just be wildly loud for no reason. I kind of hate silence and always want to interrupt it. If the world was ending I'd interrupt all the silence in all the places.

Finally, I would walk into the kitchen of a restaurant and start touching things and moving things and calling out orders. I'd pretend I was running the kitchen but make up strange instructions for the employees and invade all the space. Every time I head to the restroom when I'm at a restaurant I usually pass the kitchen and I have this urge to go back there and pretend I work there. If the world was ending I'd finally do it.

What would you do if the world was ending and you didn't have to deal with the consequences of your actions? Any childhood dreams you'd fulfill?