OPP-A Parent Doesn’t Like Her Own Child
On Other People's Problems, a mom is struggling with her relationship with her daughter. She admits she doesn't like her own child.
Mike & Kate-
I have a problem with my 9 year old daughter. I've had this problem since she was born. I have two other children; a 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter. My oldest daughter, let's call her Tiffany for this story, her father was my college boyfriend. He left me when Tiffany was 3 months old because he said he couldn't handle being a dad. He had things he wanted to do with his life and being a father was holding him back from that. I was devastated but carried on. I worked very hard as a single mother to provide for us. When Tiffany was 4 I met my current husband. He is an amazing man. A wonderful father and provider and treats Tiffany as if she is his own.
The problem I have, is that I feel no connection to Tiffany. I have felt this way since she was born. I thought you were supposed to fall in love the minute you saw your child. I didn't feel that with her. I honestly don't like her. We are nothing a like. She is not a warm child. She never snuggled with me. The only way I can explain it without sounding awful is by saying, there is no spark between us. No chemistry. I thought this was normal until I had my son. The minute I saw him, we bonded. Same with my youngest daughter.
I've seen a counselor about this. I knew something was wrong. I was hoping there would be something I could do to create that bond. I've spent time with just her. We've decorated her room. Gone to the movies. Read books together. None of it has changed anything. Thank goodness for my mother. She seems to have bonded more with Tiffany than I have. They are very close but my mom doesn't live her and only visits 3-4 times a year.
I've never said anything to my husband. But being married to him for 5 years I am assuming he has picked up on it. I honestly don't think Tiffany likes me either. I think the lack of a mother/daughter bond goes both ways. We don't fight. We are just indifferent to each other.
Am I a horrible person? This eats me alive. I feel like such a bad parent. All of Tiffany's needs are met. She has anything a 9 year old girl could want. But she doesn't have the unconditional love of a mother. I love her because I am supposed to. Not because I feel it. Is there anyone else who can relate to what I'm going through? Is there anyone who can help me? Please be kind. I already hate myself for feeling this way.
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