I Can’t Thank You Enough
I don't know when I'll be able to say Gunner's name on air without crying so I thought this was the next best option to thank you for what you did for me and for him. I hope you take a minute and read this.
I was working from home the morning after I had to put Gunner to sleep. When I clicked on the Mix 106 Facebook page the tears came even faster and harder then they already were. I was in awe and beyond touched at how much love and support you were showering on me in my darkest moment. And I'll be 100% honest, I had no idea that Gunner had touched your lives so much. I'd always hoped that you would get a kick out of our silly stories, but when I saw your comments and words of love, I realized you welcomed him into your world just like you did me. I'm not sure I will ever have the words to truly let you know how much that meant to me. I was only able to read a few posts at a time but throughout the day and that night I would check back in and read them. You really helped me and I'm forever grateful.
I also want to thank those of you who mailed me cards. I've been carrying them in my backpack since I got back to work on Tuesday. It was so thoughtful of you. I was blown away when I found out some of you made donations in Gunner's name to the Idaho Humane Society. I loved that. To all my co-workers at Mix, you unfortunately have to deal with me at my worst. Thank you for giving me space and thank you for all the kind emails and cards. To my Skid Row neighbors, thank you for the bamboo plant. Even from across the street, Gunner was breaking hearts. To the doctors and staff at WestVet....I don't even know where to begin. You are simply the best, most compassionate people. Gunny was probably the easy patient, I was always such a mess. Thank you for loving him like he was your own. And thank you for my plant. So kind.
Mike Kasper, your tribute to Gunner that next morning is something I'm still hearing about. A very tall man stopped me yesterday and said it was the most gut wrenching show he'd ever heard but he couldn't turn it off. He said he bawled like a baby. Thank you for doing that for my handsome boy and for me. I was so touched that you referred to him as a part of our morning show family. Especially since he puked on your shoes the first time you met him.
I get asked all the time if I'm doing okay. The answer is no. I thought my hike was going to be therapeutic. I felt Gunny with me every step of the way. I had a picture of him on my pack. One day I even wrote in my journal that I could feel him and hear him running up and down the trail. He'd get behind me like he used to and be on my heels pushing me. Then he would race up ahead, but not too far. He'd always turn and make sure he could still see me. Then I came home after 9 days and it hit me like a gut punch the minute I walked through the door. My trip wasn't therapeutic, it just delayed my heartbreak. Being at my house, which is my favorite place in the whole world, is so painful. Who knew 700 square feet could feel so spacious and quiet? I'm sharing this with you so you understand why I'm a little off in the mornings. I'm faking it til I make it. I feel like a shell of a person right now. I know in time I will start to feel better. In the meantime, please know I'm trying the best I can.
To my friends and family, thank you for not giving up on me even though I'm pushing you away. You've put up with me this long so you know I shut down and will reach out when I can't take the pain anymore. Don't let my actions fool you. I'd be an even bigger mess without you.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'll probably get in trouble with my digital manager but I wanted you to know how in awe I am of your continued love and support. I'm beyond blessed to have a support group of the 12 most amazing listeners, friends and family.