Dear Santa, I Want This

I'm probably the only woman in the world that has this item on my Christmas wish list. Santa probably thinks I'm joking but this is no laughing matter!

Dear Santa,
I want a flashlight for Christmas. But it's not just any flashlight. It's the G700 LED Flashlight! I know each year I ask for strange things like globes and jeans that actually fit. This year, I want the gift of light! This sucker is amazing! I do suffer from dim light flashlight disorder. But the G700 will fix that! This bad boy uses recently released military technology. I know I have a flashlight on my phone but it drains my battery. And the smaller LED flashlights suck up those batteries too!

The G700 runs on 2 AAA batteries and is able to light the way to safety with 700 blinding lumens of light, a super cool ZOOM feature an 'SOS mode' to signal for help, as well as a 'strobe mode' that produces a pulsating frequency that disorients a threat within milliseconds!

Seriously Santa. I know you think this is a joke, but I really do want a flashlight for Christmas! The fact that it's $56 means it's legit!

I'll leave extra cookies and beer for you this year. You remember how to get to Skid Row right? Don't be fooled by the smoke coming from certain homes, those are meth labs and not chimneys.

Yours Truly,
Kate