Let's keep it real. Until we're pulled over on the shoulder, whippin' out our drivers license and registration, no one in the Treasure Valley admits to being a crappy driver. In fact, we convince ourselves that we're born free from original driving sin. Our on-ramp game is on-point. We change lanes like every lane is ours. Because they are.
But again, let's keep it real, Boise. None of us are God's gift to Eagle road. And if we're not going to do something about it—which, let's be honest, we're not—we should totally embrace it. That's right. Live in the moment, people. The guy you just cut off on Milwaukee and Fairview where the lane merges, show him those pearly whites! When you refuse to use the zipper method in one of State Street's 12+ construction zones, mock the lady you just relegated to the median. Just be the best as*hole you can be, Boise. If you're ready to bring your A-game to rush hour in and around Boise, we've got six quick tips you can apply!
6 Ways to Be the Best Worst Boise Driver You Can Be
1. Follow your arrow wherever it points. Or, don't.
- There's nothing quite like the sting of a mouth-breather who doesn't pull up on the arrow because they're not paying attention. In this scenario, however, you're intentionally biffing it to screw over the 20+ cars behind you on their way to or from work—exercise your worst discretion here. You got this!
- For maximum effectiveness, I highly recommend this technique at the following intersections: when you're headed north on Eagle and Chinden; headed south on Eagle and State; and headed west on Cole and Franklin. To stir up even more sh*t, give it a whirl at the arrow for any on-ramp. My go-to is the arrow for the I-84 eastbound ramp off Ten Mile.
2. Farmers, this was and always will be your town. Own it. When you're driving your mighty tractor steed down the road, hug the center line so no one can pass you. And add some flair to it! When necessary, dip into the left lane and accelerate juuust enough to keep impatient motorists at bay.
3. No minivans. No mercy. Most of us can't even articulate our disdain for minivan drivers, yet we despise them so passionately. Remind them that they chose the school bus of cars over literally any other vehicle on the market by driving 10 miles below the speed limit in front of them.
4. Seize the lane. Whenever someone takes one for the team, i.e. gets a golden ticket, use the opportunity as your all-access pass to do 15+ over. Remember, felonies don't kick in until you're 26-miles over. Know the law, friends.
5. Turn around, bright eyes. Did you just miss your exit on I-84? No sweat, Idahomie. Just use the handy median break as your own personal U-Turn. You'll turn heads with your auto-dacity!
6. Remember to pay it forward. If you're the one deemed unworthy to enter the traffic circle on Star and Cherry, take it like a champ when you're finally in the wheel of pain. Infuriate the next commuters who come along by doing a few loops around the circle. This ensures you'll make an already awkward traffic scenario even more unbearable. I'm so proud of you!
That's all for now. See ya' in traffic!