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This Is My Worst Self Inflicted Injury Ever!

I have broken every bone in my body. I have had some crazy injuries. Nothing is ever simple with me. Of all my injuries, this one caused me the most pain and is keeping me from doing one of my most favorite things!
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The pain kept me up all night. The pain is still with me as I write this. And to make it even worse, I can’t eat it hurts so bad. What could be causing me so much pain you ask? I burnt my tongue last night!

Yes, this hurts worse than when I put my thigh bone through my knee. Yes, this hurts worse than when I broke my jaw. Worse than my tailbone surgery. You would think by this point in my life I would know that the steam coming off a hot drink means it’s too hot to put in my mouth. Apparently last night I forgot the obvious. The problem actually started years ago. I have this funny thing about taking pills. I am afraid to take my pills if I am alone. Since I live alone I normally take them in the morning when I get to work because that way if I choke, someone here at the radio station can give me the Heimlich maneuver. Yes, these are the thoughts that go through my head. I like to take my vitamins at night though. I figured out if I take my pills with warm tea they go down much easier. This has been working perfectly…until last night.

I wanted to get to bed. I was exhausted from screaming my head off during the Denver Bronco victory and I have this horrible cold. I was too impatient to wait for my tea to cool off and so I put a vitamin in my mouth and took a sip of tea. HOT! Scalding hot!!  The flaming liquid is so hot that I don’t take a big enough gulp and the vitamin gets stuck at the top of my throat. Panic! I take another drink of scalding hot lava because getting the pill out of my throat is more important to me than the top layer of my tongue which I proceeded to burn off with the second swallow.

I imagine that if I took a bite out of the sun this is what it would feel like in my mouth. Blinding pain. It was so hot that I think it melted the plastic coating around my vitamin because that thing dissolved so fast and I was no longer in a claustrophobic panic! I was left with a thinner tongue. I know I singed off more than just the top layer. Nice, I’m finally losing weight and it’s in my mouth. That is not going to help me fit into my skinny jeans!

The tea was so hot it actually split my tongue. It’s looks a little too much like a female body part so that’s why I can’t show you a picture of it. The only thing I have going for me is that the mouth is the fasting healing part of the human body. Jell-O, pudding and yogurt are on the menu for me for the next three days. I am hoping by Thursday I should be back to wolfing down food at my usual pace. I just had a sad thought. This experience has not really taught me anything because I know I am going to burn my tongue again. I just know it!

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