Today on Other People's Problems, a woman recently found out that her daughter has been communicating with her birth father on Facebook. The woman is wondering if she should get in the middle of this situation.

OPP Father and Daughter on Facebook
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Mike & Kate-
My daughter is 14. Her birth father left me when I was 7 months pregnant. When she was 3 years old, he relinquished his rights after having his paycheck garnished for 2 years because he refused to pay child support. He petitioned the court to relinquish his rights. We lived in Bend, Oregon at the time. I've since moved to Boise, married an amazing man who has adopted my daughter as his own and we have two more children together.
This spring my daughter turned 14 and we allowed her to get a Facebook page. The agreement was that we had access to her page at all times. We regularly monitor her page. Two weeks ago she got a message from her birth father. My immediate reaction was to shut down that communication. But I somehow found the strength to sit back and see how things unfold. They have messaged twice so far. I can't believe he had the nerve to send a message saying, "Hi. I'm your real father."  I haven't brought it up to my daughter yet because I want to make sure that I don't say anything that would push her away and create a situation where she felt she couldn't talk to me. I realize I am still very angry at this man. And him showing back up without contacting me first just enrages me. My husband is aware of these messages and says that we knew this day might come and that we have to let her explore this relationship.
I am not arguing with that. I knew one day she would have questions and want to know more about him. My concern is her age. She is only 14. She is so young and this is such a heavy situation. Should I get involved in this communication? Or do I let her develop her own relationship with him without my help? I feel like I should be a part of these initial discussions and guide her through them. Should I reach out to him and let him know that I am aware that he is talking to our daughter? Should I set some boundaries? I wouldn't feel this way if she was 18, but she is 14 and still want to protect her. This man walked away from her. I don't think it should be so easy for him to just walk back in. But that is the angry mama bear in me talking. What would you do?

Thanks,
Mama Bear in Boise

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