OPP-Is There Anything This Mother Can Do?
On Other People's Problems this mom is devastated after finding out her daughter lost her virginity to a boy she just met. Is there anything she can do?
Dear Mike & Kate,
This is a very sensitive subject,
I am a single mom of a 16 yr old daughter. No other major male role models in her life, (I do not date). I have raised my daughter with the idea of her Virginity being something that you only get to give away once, so make it "special", with that "someone special" Since 9th grade she has been in frequent communication with another boy from another state, whom I disapproved of originally, but after getting to know him thru skype & texts and phone conversations I came to like him (alot) and he came for a visit, and was HONORABLE & RESPECTFUL of me and my daughter in our home,(He is also a virgin and is/ was willing to wait for my daughter)
Just prior to his visit, my daughter met a boy at school, whom I told her she could hang out and have face to face interaction with perhaps go to school dances with & such so as not to lose out on real interaction with people as she needs to do. (Not put her life on hold)NO SEX. The local boy was not happy upon learning she had an out of town boyfriend and unbeknownst to me began to pressure her to choose between the two.
I was forming an opinion of him and my only conclusion thus far was (He had not won me over) Need more time to get to know this Boy and I told my daughter "He's not the one"He hadn't won me over because he dissed his mother in front of me,and he is boastful.
It was during Christmas break that my daughter came to me to tell me that he was guilt tripping her into telling me, That on both nights he came to help do homework, that they had sex together for the first time, They were in her bedroom and I was home !!! I was livid !! I'd pop my head in at any given moment! I asked my daughter where her head was at and she replied that she was too scared to say No, she didn't know how to, that she was scared nervous and anxious, She did not use her VOICE. I am furious with him that he took Liberty's with her in my house, under my roof after only knowing her 2 months.(They lost their virginity together)
Helping my daughter work thru this I realize now he put alot of pressure on her to be with him, to choose, yet he didn't give her the space she needed to decide. I feel he pressured her into this without giving her the time she needed to sort out in her mind, when in reality we had discussed he as being only someone she could hang out & perhaps go to school dances with etc..The mother of the boy knew a full 4 weeks before me and left it to my daughter to tell me, which is cool, I guess. I decided to stop them from hanging out anywhere but at school, they would not have any opportunities to be alone... He also Bad mouthed my daughter in texts to a friend behind her back, accusing her of using him for sex !!
I just want to know How would other parents would handle this? I have made the decision that they not be together anymore. I do not want them to feel ashamed for having had sex, its just the manner in how it happened, My daughter had plans to be with another, the first time. I don't want to flat out call it stolen, but then That's just how WE feel, He moved right in with out considering the right she had to make an informed choice as to who her "first" would be. How would they feel about a boy having his way with their daughter? I In my daughters case it was still a "Better first time than my own First time"