For Other People's Problems, a newly engaged woman is wondering if her fiances thoughts about money are a red flag to the future.

Ingram Publishing

Mike & Kate-
I need relationship advice. My boyfriend just proposed to me over the holidays. I'm so excited but there is one thing that is eating at me and I need to get it resolved before I start planning our big day.
We moved to Boise from back east last year for his job. We've been together about 2 1/2 years and are in our early 30s. He's always been a very generous, giving person but since we moved last fall he's been a tight wad about expenses.  For example, he'll buy all the hunting gear he needs and then claim the next week he can't afford food so I need to buy the groceries. Or we will go out with friends and he'll make a big deal about picking up our tab in front of everyone. Then later he'll ask me to pay him back. Recently he said we should get a dog. Then stated, "but I don't want to pay for any of it."
Another example, is he'll pay the utilities with an automatic payment then instead of having me pay for half he makes me purchase things for him that far exceed what I owe. If I refuse or say that's more than half or too expensive he will throw it in my face of a time he bought me lunch or took me to the movies. I'm so confused by all this because he was never like this when we lived back east. He's not selfish. He provides unsolicited back rubs. Last winter he surprised me with a trip to the Caribbean. I know he makes good money because the cost of living is so much lower here than back east and the whole reason we moved here is because of the better paying job and our money goes so much further.
Maybe I'm being overly critical and am focusing too much on the bad stuff but I want to feel like a team in our relationship and lately it feels like a dictatorship. When I try and talk to him about it he says that he still has student loans he's paying off and doesn't want to spend a lot of money but this doesn't support his behavior. I suggested that we sit down and split everything 50/50 with separate accounts and he said that is like keeping tabs on who is paying what and this if we're going to be a team then we can't keep score about money. He wasn't like this in the beginning but I'm terrified to marry him if it's going to be like this. What advice can you give me?

Soon to married

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